if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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