if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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