How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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