Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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