Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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