Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
