I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
