You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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