Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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