Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
