Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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