the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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