I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
