once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
