I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
