Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
