New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
