im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
