worst night to have a conscience
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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