i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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