i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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