My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
