So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
