I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
