Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
