My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I AM VODKA MAN
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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