did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you made out with another girl for some wings
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
