Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
