I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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