Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
