I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
