My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
