WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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