Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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