How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
