well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
