There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
tell me about the fingering
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
