This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize