The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
