Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
