checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
