I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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