If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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