I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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