Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
