the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
