I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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