1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you would pick up someone in the library
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize