Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
