had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
