The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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