you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
