Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
