If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
