Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
