Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
