It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
