You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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