I'm eating all of the evidence.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
