It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
how does that bad decision feel?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
