$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
