You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
