oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
