This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
