Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I fill condoms, not promises.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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