Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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