ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yo dont text me then not text me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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