he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This baby is an asshole
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
