haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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