He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Someone signed my nipple.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
